Friday, August 10, 2007

Meredith's Uncle Dan and his Dead Rabbits

This rare photo, depicting Uncle "Crazy Irish" Dan and his gang, was taken at Irish's wedding. This is the only known photo of Irish, his underboss, Chris "The Persecutor" Lareau, Irish's consiglieri, Brian "Three Knuckles" Winkelman, and all of Irish's capos. Irish's underboss and consiglieri run the entirity of Irish's U.S. operations while Irish spends the majority of his time abroad on "mission trips."

The bearded monster in the background, "Tiny" Sipes, and the gentleman on Tiny's right, Tommy "Two Guns," are rumored to be responsible for some of the most brutal murders in the Los Angeles ghetto of El Segundo. Additionally, the two of them control Irish's cock fighting operations in the Ozark Mountains. The man on the far right, known only as, "Spicoli Red Eyes," oversees Irish's Peruvian drug trade as well as Irish's grip on the construction unions. FBI files indicate that the man in glasses, "Lindy" Lindstrom, is from Belfast, Northern Ireland. Lindy is Irish's connection to the Old World. Lindy served six years in an English prison for his role in multiple IRA bombings. The man to Irish's immediate left is Joey "All Eyebrows." Eyebrows has been Irish's bodyguard for several years. Irish once gave Eyebrows a holster made of African Rhino in celebration of Eyebrow's successful assassination of a rival boss, Ericimo "the Chacher" Bursey.



Meredith should be so proud of her father and uncle. I know her mother is. Or she better be or this will be The Persecutor's first and only post.

7 comments:

Dan & Erin said...

Absolutely brilliant!

Ginger said...

It didn't take me long to figure out that this was not our normal author. Clever, very clever. (And also, cool pic.)

Anonymous said...

I'm not sayin a word....

Anonymous said...

I AM CERTAIN THE IRISH'S MATRIARCHAL HEAD WOULD BE PROUD THAT HER GRANDSON IS FORGING AHEAD TRUE TO FAMILY TRADITION, BUT IF PARSON RAFFERTY GETS WIND OF THIS, I THINK AN ANNULMENT WILL BE FORTHCOMING.
LET'S HOPE HE DOESN'T WASTE TIME ON THE INTERNET...

Anonymous said...

I'm so very proud.

Julie said...

Okay, first off, your daughter: so cute.

Second, the trick to the diet coke is vanilla syrup and lime slices. The lime and vanilla syrups together are a little two sweet in my opinion. Yes, I realize this makes me sort of a high maintenance Sonic drinker.

angie c said...

I bet you were giggling while writing this with Morrissey as the back drop. Nice job. Cool pic.
k